Connor Thomas Smail

Connor was born on February 13, 1997, but perhaps waiting until Valentine's Day might have been more fitting for someone like Connor who had such a big heart. From the moment Connor entered this world he filled the hearts of anyone his life touched. He generously shared his heart with so many people regardless of their background or perceived flaws. As a child Connor's infectious smile and boundless energy was contagious. He loved to spend time with his brother doing things like watching movies with Grandma, vacationing at the beach or the Adirondack Mountains with family or playing games outside with neighborhood friends. When his sister Shaelee came along, he began to display his protective nature over her. He loved to hold her and watch over her which was something he carried throughout his life, always checking in and making sure she was okay.

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Connor's energy, love for others and protective nature became essential to who he was. He was described as fun, creative, infectious, the life of the party and someone who was always ready to conquer the world. His kindness extended out to everyone, even those that most of us might overlook because he genuinely wanted everyone to be happy. Connor's mental health struggles of anxiety and depression, however, were part of his life from a very young age. With the help of guidance counselors and teachers he navigated through high school as best he could. It wasn't until after his freshman year of college that he was formally diagnosed with Bipolar I and Schizophrenia. 

Connor seemed to struggle with getting on a path and putting together a life that would be called “normal”. Connor always had troubles with being organized and timely. He cycled through psychiatrists and counselors but was never happy or satisfied. His first year of college was not a success. Connor came home from college feeling a failure but strived to find a new direction for his life. Connor decided to return to school to study Psychology, setting a new life goal to help others who were suffering like he was. Connor managed to get through two years of schooling and received his associate’s degree. However, despite his high level of intelligence, he never found the recipe to complete the challenging coursework while managing his medications and diagnosis making it nearly impossible for him to complete his bachelor's. Still, Connor put his knowledge and personal experience to use working as a Peer Counselor. He worked to help others hoping he could contribute to turning their life around and perhaps his at the same time. All the good work Connor was accomplishing was overshadowed by his struggle to function in a world full of social norms and expectations. For as many jobs as he gained, he eventually lost the others reflecting his constant battle against his mental health. 

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At this time Connor shared that he was using drugs as they became the only thing that calmed his thoughts and allowed him to feel better about himself, even temporarily. Soon his battles included addiction. He eventually volunteered to head off to rehab in 2022 in Pennsylvania with hopes of returning home to start over. Connor attended AA and NA meetings, met with sponsors and tried to live a normal life. But his struggles keeping jobs continued and he was let go many times for his tardiness or missed shifts. Not fitting in caused much sadness and torment in his life. Although, he put on a happy front and did all he could to be there for others to hide his own insecurities.

On August 7,2024 Connor lost his battle with addiction. His desire to numb his pain was too strong and one tragic decision cost him his life. Unfortunately, Connor won't have the opportunity to fulfill his dreams and see his plan come to fruition. Now with those who love him, as a tribute to Connor, we want to pursue his goals and continue the work he was passionate about. It’s our mission to help those who are struggling with mental health issues find their path and the right people to support them while spreading love, and kindness showing each individual someone cares, just as Connor always did.